Sorry I can't seem to get my frustrations out without anger. The more time I spend alone, the angrier I am. I don't know why I even have a phone, it doesn't seem like anybody ever calls me, except the stupid credit card company trying to get me to tranfer my balances from the other credit cards that I DON"T EVEN HAVE. I came to WY, Memorial Day Weekend because I thought it would be helpful for me, but it really just got me even more upset. Bruce trys to play with Kaia and Ben, he acknowledges them. My kids, don't even get a Hi. He avoids them as much as possible. And when Izaic was sad and Crying he yelled at him and told him he was going to throw him out. But when Kaia was crying he asked her what was wrong. I realize that my kids, mostly my boys are just that, loud and wild. They have a lot of energy. I really don't feel like I'm welecome. I don't feel that I can take my kids for a snowmobile ride. Or that they will ever get to go boating at the lake.
As for Charley, the only point I am trying to make, is that he is trying really hard to make up for the mistakes he has made. The only reason he joined the guard is because he felt that it could give him the oppertunity to support his family. He's trying to change the child support order to pay more, because he wants to. But until that happens, he's just giving me more so that the kids will be taken care of. I believe people change. Yes he has made some terrible mistakes, so have I, but it doesn't define him. He hasn't just walked out of our lives, and stopped trying. He's not just being bitter because things haven't gone his way. He is really trying to change. And I believe he really loves me too. Why else would he be trying so hard. I know you all can't see it, and I don't know if I want to be with him again. But I recognize what he is doing and its a good thing.
And I have to get through school, so that someday we can have the life that I want to have. Yes I'll have to add student loans onto my bills, but it'll all be worth it. I have a 5 year and 10 year plan, so I know what I need to accomplish in those time frames. All I can do is make my best effort to accomplish those goals. It's really difficult to not be busy all the time, although I am with my kids. I'm not putting 40-50 hours a week into school and work right now. And I don't know what to do with myself. I'm going a little crazy, so I'm sorry that I got rid of my frustrations so rudely. I didn't want to cause any problems. Things just kept bundling up, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Sorry again.
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Chelcy,
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad that you have a lonely life. If I lived closer I would love to hang out, but I don't. You are always welcome in my home. I would love to talk to you over the phone. I don't know if you have ever given me your new phone number and when I go to get it off the caller id it's gone. I should save it when you call, but could have, would have, should have
I am glad Charlie is trying to change, that's good for him, the kids and you!
I am also glad that you have 5 and 10 year plans. I have never had those, my only plan was to graduate college. Good luck, need any help I am always here.
You want to be busy, come help me put a lawn in. I have tons of rocks to pick. I am sure the kids would have a blast playing in the dirt. maybe we could make some stairs too. That was Ty's one job this week and he didn't get it done. I can call and sign your kids up for soccer, i think. We have reading time. maybe i would get to the park more having someone here. and kaia misses felicitee. too bad we don't have a swimming pool.
I know the boat hasn't been out in the past two years. We all want to go. Hopefully when the weather clears up we can head to Bear Lake. Kaia wants to have a girl campout sometime in the near future.
What you doing on Monday? Let's go swimming, my treat!